I was harassed quite a bit when I was younger and first started comedy. This was in the era of Kinison, so please feel free to let your imagination roll that nugget of truth around. But, that was sooo long ago, I almost forgot how belittling and soul destroying it can be. Then last year while working at a club, a comic gave me a forceful bear hug and fingered me, before I could manage to break his hold. It completely surprised me, as I am no longer a spring chicken and consider myself a bit of a tough cookie. It happened in front of some of the staff, and it involved someone who was very very drunk. It was not okay. It was humiliating. No one said anything, and I awkwardly laughed it off in front of everyone. Even as a grown-ass woman, I felt confused on how to handle it correctly. So I let it drop.
That being said, women have always told each other who to avoid. Many many years ago, I remember being on a comedy set and having a make-up artist whisper into my ear, to be aware of Bill Cosby, should I ever find myself around him. This is how we had each other's back.
If someone is raped, I can't even imagine the strength one has to muster-up to even come forward. But, I do feel uncomfortable when tales of rape/harassment and people's actual names are written down in a forum where it easily can be seen by outsiders and can destroy someone's life, without them being able to defend themselves. Even though where there's smoke, there tends to be fire.
It's no surprise to women that we have to endure and be bigger then the men around us, and it really just sucks. Yet, over the many years I've been in comedy, the percentage of predators that prey on our sisters is far outweighed by the genuinely great guys in our industry.
What would I like to see be done? I would like men who also feel uncomfortable with names written down in forums along with the accusation of rape/harassment, to embrace a little empathy, try to truly understand that this is our normal, and use a bigger portion of their clever brains when it comes to throwing out angry barbs about the lack of due process and our supposed lynch-mob mentality. We want to hear your thoughts. We invite it. But stop throwing dick punches and try harder at listening.
I would also like there to be a fare share of women represented in the bigger showcase clubs, not only because it's about f*cking time, (being only 5-15% of the line-up is utter bullsh*t) but so when women, most particularly the youngest and arguably the most vulnerable of us, are out there plying their comedic trade, trying to navigate the confusing situation of learning to be balls-out with their words, without that being taken as their bodies are in "play" for just anybody. This way women can feel a tad bit safer knowing it's not just her own eyes keeping watch at 1:00 a.m. during a late night spot, when lurkers and dark corners abound.
Christ, I know it's a complete pipe dream. But pipe-dreams are what keeps most of us in comedy.
Btw - this post was picked up by YourTango http://www.yourtango.com/2016294144/kurt-metzgers-rape-jokes-are-just-wrong
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