For the past 6 months I've been working with John Fuglesang and Producer Bill Bronner on a live show here in the Los Angeles area called Comedy Nation. We invite comedians to write material towards a specific subject, either pop culture or political and then put up the shows. It's been a great experience and has helped me grow as a comic. The last show I helped produce and was on, I was faced with writing a stump speech. Here it goes.
As I ask you to vote for me tonight, I‘m going to strive to be completely honest in sharing my ideas with you. This morning I had to google how to write a stump speech.
1) Introduce yourself… My name is Felicia Michaels I’m a comedian, a single mother - but most importantly… I wanna be different just like everybody else.
2) Tell a personal story… I just broke up with a guy I dated for 3 months after I asked him, “Where are we going with this." He freaked, “Jeez, why do women always have to define everything? I’ll tell you why, “When I’m at a party it’s just easier for me to say, “This is my boyfriend.” instead of “This is the guy that I fuck in a noncommittal way whenever my custody schedule allows."
3) Remaining true to your values, outline 2-3 key issues that are impacting yourself and your audience. I’m sick to death of social media Trolls, People with Knee Jerk PC reactions, and the war against women.
4) Make a call to action by offering proposals to solve problems, and or strengthen your bigger picture.
The social media trolls around the issue of gun control are the worst. Specifically those people who insist on shouting over and over “It’s not guns that kill people, it’s people who kill people!!!” My solution - we kill those people.
Knee Jerk and PC reactions. I myself sometimes struggle with this. We all need to concede that the occasional compromise won’t kill you. For example, a toy company recently came out with a normal barbie doll, that reflects the average sized american woman.
That seems like a completely healthy, reasonable and responsible thing to offer little girls.. But of course some PC nut has to take it a step further, and now they’re going to make the Normal Barbie have her period. That pisses me off because it’s totally unfair that I didn’t grow up with a toy that could make learning about brown discharge fun.
BTW - I really hope the plastic maxi-pads accessories are easier to put on their Normal Barbies, than the tiny little hot-pink plastic fuck-me pumps where that I used to grind unto the feet of mine.
If you are going to make Barbies with functioning fluids, then you need to make Ken dolls that can function properly as well. Turn about is fair play! I want a G.I. Joe doll that one can give tiny little hand jobs to. You can add cool and nifty accessories, like a foxhole, another G.I. and a couple of wet-naps.
The War on Women…
2/3rds of the elderly are women, meaning any cuts in money towards the elderly effect us more. Clinical trials and research are men-centric when it comes to women’s health. And I don’t think it’s fair that the new Female viagra came out 17 years after men first got it. In fact, I think the FDA is trying to scare women away from it by making the manufacturer add more warnings to the side effects list, which now includes nauseau and sleepiness. You know, The same feelings you get when you have to fuck your husband.
As the Republicans push to eliminate all funding from Planned Parenthood, there’s actually a Republican bill pending in congress that wants to provide contraception for wild horses. Even Brood Mares have more rights then women.
To that I say, “neigh, Neigh, NEIGH! Who’s with me?"
The egregious rhetoric from the right has got to stop. Recently Republican presidential candidate and neurosurgeon Ben Carson, claimed that the number one cause of deaths for black people in America is abortion. When I heard that, I thought to myself, “Are cops giving them out now!?!”
Finally...Number 5 on How to Write a Stump Speech... Repeat your core value. With warmth - vaguely acknowledge what people might be feeling uncomfortable with, and end with a catchy analysis of your theme.
I know I’ve spoken about quite a few shocking truths. But honesty is only frightening when no one speaks it out-loud.
God Bless America!
Goodnight.
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