A few nights ago I had the good fortune to be booked on a Comedy Nation show hosted by one of the smartest and funniest guys in comedy, John Fugelsang. I always get super nervous about these shows because the cast is always stellar and one is encouraged to write towards a specific theme with fresh material, which makes a girl want to up her ante. This show had Rick Overton, Kelly Carlin and Dave Rubin to name a few. When I found out that the show’s subject matter was “So you think you want a revolution?” I started to chew on some thoughts…But all I could think about was the word evolution. And I started to obsess on what the difference is between those two words, revolution and evolution. Revolution is a planned, deliberate and a sometimes violent action, evolution is a natural change. Revolution is reversible. Evolution is irreversible.
Women had our own revolution in the 70’s with the legalization of abortion. But now abortion is slowly being stripped away from us. So even though I think we should have a revolution, what I really yearn for is natural and irreversible evolution.
But there are things about evolution that are confusing. Like, why do some things evolve and others don’t. For example. The Bush family. How come they never evolve? I read that Jeb Bush says we should shame un-wed mothers just like in The Scarlet letter. How can he not get - that when Americans think about a pariah who’s derogatory name starts with the letter “A”…It’s the face of a Bush that usually comes to mind.
How come conservative families are so slow to evolve, when the most complicated and intricate things, like the pattern of language constantly evolves? For example, “Klittra” is the new term for female masturbation. Yes “Klittra” with a “K”… That sounds like the Kardashian sister that’s never allowed to leave the compound. A curvy shadowy figure recognizable only by her unplucked unibrow, sitting in a confused state next to jar of bleaching cream.
Why is it that the name of hair color never evolves? I realized the other day that the name of my hair color is called Frivolous Fawn. That’s such an old school, 50’s moniker. Which is completely insulting to me as a grown-ass woman, yet hits the nail on it’s mutha-f*cking head at the same time.
One of the first things I would like to see evolve…Is a “three strikes and you’re out law” for religious leaders on television. Just a little something to help weed out the charlatans who keep preaching ridiculous and hateful rhetoric. Recently, Pat Robertson suggested that a child’s death is all part of God’s plan to keep us safe from a future evil dictator. Well, I don’t think it’s going to hurt anyone’s feelings, if I suggest that abortions are part of God’s plan to keep us all safe from a future Pat Robertson.
FYI - a new survey says abortions are down all across the country, even if you count in the crowd of Republican presidential candidates that are nowhere near viable.
How come come Ann Coulter never evolves? Recently she said that citizenship should be denied to the blind. You would think she’d cut some slack to those who can’t see that she’s just as ugly on the outside, as she is on the inside.
The Bible never evolves. Not to long ago, the Tennessee House approved a bill to make the Bible the official state book. Why? My guess, the Bible actually doesn’t forbid cousins from marrying.
There is one way in which some women aren’t evolving as fast as I would like and that’s on the matter of God. Women statistically are more religious then men, which I don’t understand. I as a woman would never trust in anything the bible says. Unless someone could show me a scripture that says, “Then God said unto Elijah, ‘Grab her hair, pull her head back, and nibble on the nape of her neck while urgently whispering what’s your custody schedule like?’”
My biggest question about evolution is why don’t we evolve away from violence or the need to constantly dominate all living things? We really are a self-centered ego-driven species. We’ve actually trained dogs to root out testicular cancer. How despicable is that? We’ve turned cooperative descendants of the gray wolf into submissive pleasers, who will sniff the sick out of our balls for a pat on the head and a couple of passes at the cat box.
Of course what is written and what is actually performed, multiplied by the pressure cooker of being on the stage with some of the most talented and some could argue prescient takes on comedy, society and the future of politics; can be a bit of a crapshoot. But how I do enjoy the challenge.
sketch by Anton Eduard
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