Dearest Children, 

     In the last twenty four hours I screamed at the top of my lungs my obscene filled comedy act, with an allergy riddled voice, to a tough drunken crowd, wrestled fitfully with three hours of sleep in an overly humid hotel room, for fear my cab ride wasn't going to show at 5:00 in the morning as to help me make the first flight out, I traveled east for an hour to a connecting flight that would bring me five hours west, during which I was trapped between a grumpy giantess and an overly chatty car salesman from Charlotte, North Carolina, had a super quick enjoyable lunch with the man I'm tangled up with, where we talked about everything under the sun, except the direction our relationship is headed, topics included our government's obsession with drone technology and how f*cked up Bank of America is, then drove through bumper to bumper traffic on the 405 to your school, picked you up, went grocery shopping, drove you to music lessons, went to the hardware store to get stakes for my tomato plants, that I hope to God, the housekeeper remembered to water, picked you up from music lessons, bbq'd some ribs, made sticky rice, sauteed carrots and snow peas for your dinner, reminded you 163 times to eat your dinner, did the dishes, cleaned the dog's poo off your crocs, after you refused to listen to me when I told you to watch where you were walking, while you were hounding me as to when you were off restriction from iTunes and the PS3, drove you to another music lesson, while I exchanged a few strained emails with your father, then helped you do your science homework, in which I explained to you 12 times that gas particles are spaced far apart compared to liquids and solids, and generally do not affect one another unless they were to collide... 

     Now, all I want you to do is get your butts in bed, so I can watch last night's Game Of Thrones episode that I have recorded on the damn TIVO!!! 

     All that being said, as soon as my pajamas are on, I'm going tuck you guys into your beds and kiss your sweet little faces until you beg me to stop, because I totally missed the crud out of you!

Love always,

Your Mother

P.S. Whomever is tossing spent yogurt containers under the couch, needs to stop it immediately. I'm not going to point fingers, but I know for certain it's not me or the dog.