Me So Horny...

This is my curling iron. There are many others like it, but this one is mine. My curling iron is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my curling iron is useless. Without my curling iron, I am useless... 

Perhaps some of you might recognize that very bastardized version of recruits barking back at Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket. I always loved that movie and have quoted from various parts of the movie over the years. Although, I've learned never to do that on a first date. My dates tended to think it was cute when I would first bring out the quotes, but then would inevitably hasten for the check when I would keep the gag going by tossing out quotes from the Da Nang hooker, "Well, baby, me so horny. Me so horny. Me love you long time! You party?" 

Anyway, I hadn't seen the movie in a quite a long while. But last week Joey Diaz invited me to hang out at his house, along with his lovely wife and they started flipping around scene to scene from all their favorite movies they had Tivo'd. We even watched some scenes from the Godfather and Carlito's Way. Weirdly, I always thought if I had to say what famous person looked like my lady bits. Hands down, Sean Penn in Carlito's Way. His hair was kind of a fro and almost the exact color of my hair down stairs. Not to mention how the character of the lawyer was always sniffling. So I brought this up to Joey and his wife, which made them laugh. But, after watching scenes from the Godfather, I suddenly came to the conclusion that my lady bits look more like Robert Duvall in the Godfather - and not like Sean Penn in Carlito's Way, at all.

Perhaps it's Robert Duvall I should be quoting. I think the next time I pleasure a man, I'll slip in a "This is Tom Hagen, calling for Vito Corleone at his request. Now, you owe your Don a service. He has no Doubt that you will repay him." 

Sadly, I'm afraid to admit that I'm a silly creature of habit. So, after said gentleman's attempt at pleasuring me, I know I won't be able to contain, and I'll bark out a line from Gunnery Sergeant Hartman himself, "Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary J. Rottencrotch through her purty pink panties are over!!!" 

Perhaps, I need to work on a better way to verbalize my feelings...