Ramping UP!

Life always ramps up at the start of fall. If I’m not at the grocery store, working or driving the squirts around from one activity to another appointment. I find myself screaming things like, “Son, please... Foreigner's "Juke Box Hero" is way better then the Bruno Mars' "Lighter" song... Now DAMN IT!! STOP CHANGING THE RADIO STATION IN MOMMY”S CAR!!!

Children really don’t understand that sometimes mom’s need quiet time in the car. So we can ponder matters like, "What exactly is China's Space Mission up to? Why is it going to cost the Pentagon another billion dollars to figure out how much it spends? But, most importantly... How did a 58 year old mother find the secret to look 27 again!?!" The only secret I ever figured out, is where my mom used to hide our Christmas presents when I was six. (I remember feeling smart and sad at the same time.)

There was football for the twerps. Where, I would just like to say, "Attention Mom's at my kid's school. Please ixnay on the ogesteronepray eamcray chats while we’re watching the games from the bleachers. Especially when men are about!" I have no designs on said men. It's just that I would just like to remain in complete denial of any upcoming changes, due to my lady bits, for as long as possible.

Mental note to self: Discuss said feelings of age related anxiety and your lady bits with therapist upon a later date. But, only after you’ve exhausted the topic of “Should I keep focusing on comedy for my long term future or enter a web based university to become an x-ray technician?”

Mental, mental note: Remember that it does baffle you how one could possibly learn to control the power of radiation through
on-line learning from a school based in Jamaica!?!

Mental, mental, mental note: Fuck it, continue to do comedy, and for Pete's sake, stop letting people in on your mental notes. It don't look right..

Halloween was a non event for me, as the ex had my kittens. I did however run across an article about a house being haunted by ghosts having sex, somewhere in Ohio. First of all, based on that info - I might wanna keel-over in Ohio. Second of all, it did lead me to write these jokes: Where do ghosts like to have sex? In their boo-ties. Why do girl ghosts give messy blow jobs? Because, they're always a goblin. What does the guy ghost do after sex? Gets the girl ghost a wash cloth, so she can clean up the whipped scream.

I have to admit, after I worte that last joke, I slowly backed away from my computer, got my tennis shoes on, and forced myself to go the gym.